2 DAYS AFTER BIRTHDAY

 "I think you shouldn't feel like that" 

So I should feel as how you THINK I should? 

Am I no longer own my feelings? 

This is so sad. 

LAST CHILD

 As the last child, I'd often given leeway from my parents but not from my brothers. 

Growing up, my father was always away. Working for the art & culture ministry he has to go to world's art gallery and visits a lot of continents, villages, national park, etc. So my mother has to take care of my 2 brothers and I while working an 8 to 5 job. 

I still remember on weekends, she made us remember the 1 to 12 ciphers while she's cooking lunch. She delegates house chores for us too but I always get to do the easiest one. She don't allow me to wash dishes, she only let me wipe the table. I never washed my school shoes. NEVER. I mean I don't have to. My mother wouldn't let me. Well I think I did try to wash once but she ask me to leave it and so I did.

Every time my father came back from his overseas journey, he always gets us souvenirs. Be it just pen and some cheap T-Shirts, we're happy. Genuinely happy for his returns than those presents. Really. But I still remember & kept most of the presents from my childhood. A pen from Australia, a pair of chopsticks and bangles from Bangkok, prunes and apricots from Cape Town, a shawl from Istanbul,  and many more.

I excel in school. I always in the top 5 in the class and I'm in the first class too. I did well. After my UPSR result came out, I beg my parents to drop me off of a boarding school. They hesitated at first as I NEVER really have to do anything myself. How can I in boarding school? And so I went and learn my way everything from the bottom. Where I first time hand wash my clothes, I have to make my bed (Now I feel like a rotten child), I have to wake myself up and boy, how many times I was late to school. LOL. 

Since then, I have lived away from my family. I'm the last child and I'm out since I was 13 years old. I've lived in a lot of place; East coast, central, northern. I work from the bottom. I went house to house doing sales, waited tables, work in boutiques, call centre, health centre and even pub. I've seen a lot of people, I've learn a lot more. 

When a child is out for a journey, every visits home are as a guest. I read this somewhere and I believe that's true. But my family would never be anything else than home to me. We fight hard and we love harder. 

Moment of silence

It's not "I understand your feelings, I'm sorry"

But it's always "You shouldn't feel that"